Obstacle Free
About the great gift my parents gave to me that I wish more parents knew they could give to their children
Before I left for my last trip to Raleigh, I had two separate hour-long conversations with my dad then my mom.
They both were checking in to see how I was doing and getting the latest on what I was thinking prior to the final round of interviews.
During the course of both conversations I found myself feeling led to thank my parents for something very specific…
I thanked my parents for not creating, specifically, in the way they parented me, any obstacles to me becoming a spiritually and emotionally healthy human being.
Their approach to parenting didn’t create any spiritual obstacles that would prevent me from loving Jesus and His Church. Their approach to parenting didn’t create any emotional obstacles that I would have to spend my adulthood getting therapy for. Their approach to parenting didn’t create any relational obstacles that would discourage me from desiring to closely relate to them or to others. Their approach to parenting didn’t create any mental obstacles that would impede my ability to learn and grow.
In short, the way I was parented paved the way for me to navigate the challenges of the world without having to carry the baggage that comes as a result of poor parenting.
This is a priceless gift. This is an undeniable privilege. This is an unmerited blessing. And I’m so thankful.
I am under no delusion, the spiritual and emotional stability I enjoy as an adult is primarily a result of the discipline, consistency, and patient love I experienced as a child.
With that said, I understand that many of you who are reading this cannot relate to this experience. For many of you, this isn’t your story.
It is very possible that your story is the complete opposite. Many of your deepest pains and challenges are a result of the ways you were or were not parented. For many of you, your parents are the source of the obstacles you strive to overcome everyday. (If this is you, you need to know, before I continued writing this post, I stopped to pray that God would lovingly and powerfully give you the strength, will, grace, and perseverance to overcome the obstacles your parents, intentionally or unintentionally, put before you.)
After reflecting on this glorious gift from my parents that I know very few have the luxury of enjoying, I wanted to say something specific to the various types of people reading this post:
1. If you had parents that helped you more than they hindered you, thank them.
Thank them often. Thank them verbally. Thank them clearly. Invest your emotional effort to make sure your parents understand how much you appreciate the gift their parenting was to you. Articulate specifically how their parenting is paying dividends now that you are an adult. Don’t delay. Your parents are more insecure and unsure about the effectiveness of their investment in your life than you know. Honor your parents by giving them the gift of heartfelt thanksgiving and gratitude.
2. If you had parents that hindered you more than they helped you, forgive them.
In no way do I want to be insensitive to how hard this can be, but the difficulty of it does not take away from the necessity of it. Living with the ongoing bitterness of what your parents didn’t give you will rob you of an abundant life. Stare intently at the way God, through Jesus Christ, forgives you. After inhaling God’s forgiveness for you for your infinite sin against a Holy God, exhale forgiveness for your parents for their finite sin against you.
3. If you still have the opportunity to be more of a help to your children than a hindrance, cherish the responsibility.
You have the unique opportunity, in the way you intentionally are present in the way you parent your child, to pave a more obstacle-free path for them than an obstacle-filled path. What a privilege! Every conversation. Every apology. Every hour of quality time spent. Every moment of prayer. Every moment of discipline. Every trip to church. Every moment in God’s Word. Each of these moments, when bathed in prayer and multiplied over the course of many years, has the potential to yield a harvest of good in their lives and good in the world that you could never imagine. Cherish the privilege you’ve been given and stay the course. God is honored by the sacrifices you have made (and are making), and there will be a day when your kids are able to thank you for the many things about you they are currently taking for granted.
4. If you are a parent who has been more of a hindrance to your child than a help to your child, apologize.
Humble yourself. Acknowledge your shortcomings. Say you’re sorry. Years of poor parenting can’t be undone by an apology, but years of pain caused by poor parenting can begin to be healed through a sincere, humble, and heartfelt apology. Very few things can provide a healing balm to a human’s soul like an apology from a parent to a child. It may be too late to parent your child differently, but it’s never too late to apologize for how you didn’t parent your child effectively.
Parents, love your children. Children, honor your parents. I’m convinced, the beauty of the fabric of our society is strengthened or weakened by the relationship between parent and child.
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:2-3
Community Opportunity
In the comments below, please share your thoughts on the contents of this post. I know a topic like this can bring up a myriad of emotions, but if you’re willing, I’d love to hear what those emotions, feelings, and thoughts are. Thanks in advance for your vulnerability.
🌻 ... Be Brilliant! Overcome history by taking care of today! Go forward and Live Life to the fullest... God's plan in action! Luke chapter 12
Love you Pastor Ed. Thank you for walking with me through my childhood hurt, through forgiveness and healing. Praise God that in him we are healed, made new, cleansed of not only our sin but of the sin made against us.